


quiet nights

by ifonesthought



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, M/M, Mutual Pining, Siwon gets caught in the middle because Feelings, past/complicated Heechul/Leeteuk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-19 21:42:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18978907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifonesthought/pseuds/ifonesthought
Summary: It was desperate and needy and maybe a little odd.





	quiet nights

“-and then he slammed the door, vowing never to return, and he’s done a damn good job keeping his word since.”  
Jeongsu finished with a flourish, mussing his hair as he set down his beer. It was lukewarm by now, tasting more like piss than it had when he had first cracked it open. He barely liked it on most days, but for now it gave him something to do with his hands so he suffered on with it. 

Siwon was sitting across from him, hugging a pillow, legs neatly tucked under him, and sporting a look of concern. He had stepped through the door what must have been several hours ago now, hoping to sort out whatever spat his elders had gotten into this time, ever the dutiful mediator after Donghae had flooded his phone with a million messages along the lines of _the team’s over_ and _we’re totally screwed._ It had just about taken this long to get Jeongsu’s floodgates to open. 

Siwon didn’t mind so much - he liked feeling useful, fussing over their leader’s wellbeing as best he could, whilst trying to de-escalate some of his more dramatic life choices. Somewhere deep within him he was vaguely aware of the way his stomach twisted whenever Jeongsu was hurt, but it was a door he didn’t dare open. As much as he loved the two of them individually, he knew Heechul had a way of being tactless at the worst of times. Their fights always started small, something silly and insignificant which had the unfortunate habit of getting blown out of proportion. And as Jeongsu had swung the door open, eyes swollen and red faced, letting him follow him inside without saying a word, Siwon’s heart sunk. He wished there was a way this could end with no one getting hurt. 

Jeongsu had dodged the questions expertly at first, finding the time to make some small scraps of food as Siwon listened patiently and flitted about, helping tidy up, dutifully drying dishes and handing them over to be stacked into the cupboard. But once the fullness of the meal had set in, and the sun had gone down and Jeongsu realised he didn’t want to be alone, he launched into an uncharacteristically long tirade of grievances. 

His relationship with Heechul was never one to write home about. They came together as the eldest of the group with a sense of shared responsibility, but a blend of colourful personalities that at times blurred the lines of lust and anger. The sex was great when it was great, but the team wondered whether it was worth all that came with it. Not that anyone would voice these concerns. And not that either of them would talk about the messy feelings that tangled themselves up with it all, like old gold necklaces rattled inside a dusty jewelry box. Too irritating to untangle. 

Jeongsu rubbed at his forehead. “I know this is stupid you shouldn’t have to be here so late-” 

Siwon simply lifted a hand. “Your feelings are never stupid. It’s more complicated than that.” 

And the silence set in again. 

There was something about Jeongsu that spurred forth Siwon’s protective side, he had come to terms with that at least. A side that made it impossible for him to stand aside and watch this strange back and forth of love and pain. A side that burned his insides whenever Jeongsu smiled brightly for Heechul, which God forbid he could call jealousy. But his heart knew better. It turned him into a sort of attention seeker too, wishing to just- to just reach out. Catch him by the sleeve as he left the room, any words of justification dying on his tongue. But Siwon knew his place, he always had. Scared by the race of his heart, he let go, smiles and laughter ringing in his ears as the pair left the practice room together. 

But here, it was just the two of them. Jeongsu was rubbing his eyes now, desperate to keep whatever semblance of himself together, and making Siwon’s heart lurch in the process. Instinctively he reached out before he could stop himself. He caught Jeongsu’s hand and cupped his face, a soft thumb streaking across his cheek. Jeongsu’s love language had never been touch, he persistently edged away from it in a bid to self-preservation. But exhausted from the ranting, half drunk off the atmosphere alone, and weak over the fondness in Siwon’s gaze, he didn’t pull away. The moment remained suspended in the quiet of the night, a symphony of noiseless longing.  
Jeongsu barely felt himself get up off the couch, weightless and emboldened as he had never been before to meet Siwon’s gaze head-on. Tugged foreward by some greater force, he landed a gentle press to his lips. With a shaky exhale he pulled away a touch, foreheads still brushed together to allow Siwon the chance to make a break for it. But the man seemed frozen in place, and Jeongsu kept his eyes screwed shut hoping he hadn’t royally screwed everything up indeed. 

“.... Please say something.” 

Siwon was looking up at him, suddenly very small. As if any movement would jerk him awake from this fragile dream. And suddenly Siwon was quite aware of everything all at once. His fingers curled in Jeongsu’s hair, the furtive glance the other was sneaking from under his eyelashes, the sparkling eyes and the smells that made Jeongsu real and there. And suddenly the common decency of everything he had ever known was thrown out the window by the simple and undeniable fact that Jeongsu had just kissed _him._ And as the gears turned and set off the quick motion reaction, Siwon surged up, clinging with almost juvenile need, pressing back a clumsy answer. 

It was desperate and needy and maybe a little odd. Siwon’s mouth was tracing a line down to his throat, and Jeongsu whined small noises of approval, pulling him even closer, guiding him to exactly where he wanted him to go. Siwon’s cheeks were burning and his stare seemed far-off somehow. Jeongsu grabbed his jaw to pull their lips back together, combing his hands through his hair over and over, wanting in some part to mess up the other’s perfection. Siwon had pulled him into his lap at some point, so naturally and effortlessly it drew a coo out of Jeongsu. He was straddling him, pressing tender loving kisses from above so quick he seemed to devour him whole. Siwon was at his complete mercy, thoughts and worries and what-ifs all blurred and distant under the immediacy of his returned affection. The heat of the other’s breath made him shiver. They built a frenzy of pushing and pulling, both scared to take too much, both scared they were imposing themselves. As Jeongsu melted himself further into Siwon’s embrace, pushing him backwards into the couch he grazed a knee down, feeling the other’s hardness, and froze. Siwon blinked up at him, and Jeongsu slid his hands down to the collar of his white button-up, and paused, the unsaid question murmured in the curl of his fingers. He received a nod in response, Siwon shifting them longwise to give them more space.  
Jeongsu seemed to slow, devotedly undoing the top button as Siwon encouragingly pressed kisses to his forehead and hairline. Torturously slow, Jeongsu reached his hand into the opening he had just made, caressing his collarbone, raising goosebumps as he went, drawing hums of approval from Siwon. The further down he went, the slower he got, and the deeper Siwon rumbled in response. By his navel, Jeongsu’s hands were trembling, and then, the first tear landed. Siwon immediately stilled and looked down in worry. The panic had caught up to the other, hands uncontrollably shaking, shuddering breaths now laborious. He was crying, whispering, _I’m sorry I’m so so sorry._ Siwon reached for his hands, encased them in his warmth. _I’m so sorry_ he continued, and Siwon pulled him into a tight hug. _It’s ok. It’s not your fault. It was never your fault,_ fiercely protective. Jeongsu buried his face into his shoulder, burrowing to make himself as small as possible. If he could get lost in Siwon’s warmth maybe the pain would stop. Siwon had pulled them back into a lying position, tracing comforting circles in his back, hushing words of comfort in his ear and holding onto him like a lifeline. _I’m sorry- I’m sorry I’m using you- Use me, use me I don’t mind, I never could- _  
They laid there for a long while into the night, rocked by matching breaths. Guilt chased away by gentle affection, at least for a little while.__

**Author's Note:**

> *finger guns* it's tragic there are so few works about them so I'm trying to fix that. Again, this is venturing new writing territory for me so it was an Attempt. I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
